Changing Your Last Name After the Wedding? Here Are Your Options!

Do I take your last name, or do you take mine? And what about the kids? In the time between the engagement and the wedding day, a number of questions arise—among them, there’s often a lot of discussion about who will ultimately take whose last name. We say: thank goodness! Finally, this discussion is taking place among engaged couples. For decades, this very issue simply wasn’t on the table. The woman took the man’s last name—no questions asked. Today, however, there are all kinds of options. Sometimes this results in really funny or even melodious double-barreled last names. Often, though, married couples take a very pragmatic approach to the naming decision. What’s striking is that this topic leaves no one indifferent! No wonder—after all, one’s own name is tied to history and tradition. This makes it all the more fascinating to hear how couples planning to marry are handling this issue or have already resolved it. We asked around and gained some wonderful insights into the surname debate.

Nathanael & Ramona:

Conventionally: She takes her husband's last name.

“We chose what’s currently considered the conventional path: I took my husband’s last name. Since we also follow a more traditional family model and I’ve always thought his last name sounded really nice, I was perfectly fine with it. But I also understand when women prefer a double-barreled last name. In that case, neither name is more important than the other, which I think is nice, too. For me, that wasn’t an option because I didn’t particularly like my former last name.”

Joachim & Andrea:

Independence: The woman keeps her name. The man keeps his.

“Many people don’t even realize this is possible: I kept my last name, and my husband has also kept his. We got married relatively late, and it quickly became clear to me that I didn’t want to just give up the name I’d had all my life—after all, it’s been with me my whole life. When the children came along, the question arose as to what last name they should have. In Germany, the rule is: If the parents don’t take a shared married name, they must decide at the birth of their first child together whether the child will take the mother’s or the father’s last name. For us, this wasn’t a big deal—we agreed quickly. What we found interesting, though, was that once the decision is made for the first child, it’s binding—all subsequent children automatically receive the same last name.”

Katja and Robert:

Symbiotic: A double name for both of them.

“We both have very traditional last names that are common in Germany, but fortunately they’re quite short. So for after our wedding, we’ve decided to combine both last names into a double-barreled surname. We’re probably just very romantic at heart, but we find the idea simply enchanting—that on top of our absolutely dreamlike wedding ceremony and reception, the icing on the cake will be the merging of our last names.”

James and Lea-Marie:

(Still) Unusual: He's taking her last name. The children are, too.

“I took my wife’s last name—a conscious decision. Hers is short, clear, and simple; mine always required an explanation. For us, this was a wonderful step toward sharing a common family name. Incidentally, as of May 1, 2025, married couples in Germany will also be allowed to choose a shared double-barreled surname—we see that, too, as a positive sign for greater freedom in choosing a name.”

Chris & André

Legally impossible: A new last name.

“We didn’t like our last names and wanted a completely new name for a fresh start—but under German law*, you can only choose a name that already exists. That’s why we chose a double-surname made up of both of our last names. Since May 1, 2025, both spouses have been allowed to use the same compound married name on an equal footing—for us, that was the perfect compromise: new, shared, and legally permissible.”

*In Germany, choosing a completely new last name upon marriage is not legally permitted. Instead, the shared married name must consist of the existing names of both partners—optionally as a combined surname. There’s a good reason for this clear regulation: it serves the purposes of legal certainty and identifiability—and is intended to prevent names from being changed arbitrarily or misused for the purpose of concealment.

We believe it doesn’t matter which option you choose—as long as everyone involved (spouses and children) is happy with it in the long run. So here’s our tip: Talk to each other early on about this very important topic of choosing or changing a last name. And, also very important: Show respect for each other’s last names. It might take a few honest conversations, but by your wedding day, you’re sure to find the right name for your married life.